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1>.

2>"Notwithstanding the provisions of subsection 3, section A,

3>clause 214 of the Administrative Procedures Scotland Act 1978,

4>it is proposed that in so far as 

5>the implementation of the statutory provisions is concerned,

6>the resolution of anomalies and uncertainties 

7>as between responsible departments

8>shall fall within the purview of 

9>the Minister for Administrative Affairs".

10>What does it mean?

11>I'm sorry? What does it mean?

12>Oh, er, well, Minister,

13>it means "notwithstanding the provisions of..."

14>Don't read it to me. I've just read it to you. What does it mean?

15>What it says, Minister. 

16>May I remind you, Minister. 

17>you are seeing a deputation from the TUC in 15 minutes,

18>from the CBI half an hour after that, 

19>and from the NEB at 12 noon.

20>What do they all want? They're all worried about machinery.

21>Machinery? Yes, for inflation, deflation and reflation.

22>What do they think I am,

23>a Minister of the Crown or a bicycle pump?

24>When am I going to do all this correspondence?

25>You do realise you don't actually have to, Minister.

26>Don't I? Not if you don't want to. 

27>We can draft an official reply.

28>What's the official reply?

29>It just says "The Minister thanks you for the letter".

30>Then we say something like "The matter is under consideration".

31>Or even, if you feel the same "under active consideration".

32>What's the difference?

33>"Under consideration" means we've lost the file,

34>"Under active consideration" means we're trying to find it.

35>You just transfer all the letters to your Out Tray,

36>put a brief note on the margin if you wish to see the reply

37>and if you don't, you never see or hear of it again.

38>If I transfer everything from here to here, without even reading it,

39>that's all I have to do?     Yes.

40>It will be dealt with? Precisely.

41>Properly? Immaculately.

42>What's the Minister here for then?

43>Er... to make policy decisions, Minister.

44>When you've decided the policy, we can carry it out.

45>How often are policy decisions needed?

46>From time to time.

47>Bernard, this government is here to govern.

48>Not merely preside like our predecessors did.

49>When a country is going downhill, 

50>it's time for someone to get into the driving seat,

51>put his foot on the accelerator.

52>I think you mean the brake.

53>Ah, Humphrey. A moment of your time, Minister.

54>"The official visit to the UK of the President of Buranda".

55>Where's Buranda?

56>Africa. I've never heard of it.

57>Yes, it's fairly new, Minister.

58>It used to be called British Equatorial Africa.

59>It's the red bit on the left hand side, below the Mediterranean.

60>Oh, there! But why's this come to us?

61>This is for the Foreign Office. 

62>No. Not exactly. There are administrative problems.

63>Her Majesty's due to be up at Balmoral at the time,

64>so she'll have to come to London.

65>I thought state visits are arranged years in advance.

66>This isn't a state visit, it's a Head of Government visit.

67>Usually the President of Buranda is Head of State.

68>But he's also Head of Government, Minister

69>But if he's coming as Head of Government,

70>why does the Queen have to see him?

71>Because she's the Head of State, Minister.

72>The Head of State must greet a Head of State,

73>even if he's not here as Head of State.

74>It's all a matter of hats, Minister

75>Hats? 

76>Yes. He's coming wearing his Head of Government hat.

77>He is the Head of State, too, but it's not a state visit

78>because he's not wearing his Head of State hat,

79>but protocol demands 

80>even though he's wearing his Head of Government hat,

81>he must still be met by the Crown.

82>Why are we having an official visit from

83>this tin pot little African country? Minister,

84>I beg of you not to refer to it as a tin pot little African country.

85>It's an L.D.C. What?

86>Buranda is what used to be called an Under- developed Country.

87>However, this term was widely regarded as offensive...

88>so they became known as Developing Countries

89>and then as Less Developed Countries or L.D.C.'s.

90>We are now ready to replace the term L.D.C. with H.R.R.C.

91>What's that?

92>Human Resource Rich Countries. Which means?

93>They're grossly overpopulated and begging for money.

94>And Buranda is an H.R.R.C?

95>No, Minister.

96>Don't be that strict. Is it one of the "have" or "have not" countries?

97>We don't use that term any longer.

98>But if we did, Buranda would be a "will have" nation.

99>Will have? 

100>Will have a huge amount of oil in a couple of years from now.

101>Oh, I see.

102>Why didn't you say so at first?

103>It's not a T.P. L.A.C. At all. T.P. L.A.C?

104>Tin Pot Little African Country.

105>No, Minister.

106>Oil. Wait for a moment. I've got a marvelous idea.

107>The Queen doesn't have to come down from Balmoral.

108>Are you proposing that Her Majesty and the president should exchange

109>official greetings over the telephone?

110>No. No. No. No.

111>that perhaps you'd like them to shout rather loudly?

112>No. The visit shall take place in Scotland.

113>At Holyrood Palace. Out of the question.

114>Why? It's not our decision.

115>It's a Foreign Office matter. I don't think so.

116>"Notwithstanding the provisions of subsection 3 blah blah...

117>it is proposed blah...

118>the resolution of anomalies and uncertainties blah...

119>shall fall within the purview 

120>of the Minister for Administrative Affairs.  Oh, yes but…

121>Don't you see? It's brilliant.

122>We save the Queen a pointless journey,

123>and there are three Scottish by-elections coming up soon

124>every one of the marginal.

125>We'll hold them straight after the visit.

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126>Minister, we do not hold Head of Government visits

127>for party political reasons, but for reasons of State.

128>My plan shows that Scotland is an equal partner in the UK.

129>She is Queen of Scotland too. You Know.

130>And it is full of marginal constit...I mean depressed areas.

131>Minister, I hardly think that we can exploit our Sovereign

132>by involving her in what some might call

133>a squalid vote grubbing exercise.

134>You want a better reason, right? Indeed we do.

135>Then tell me why he's coming.

136>For exchange of views on matters of mutual interest.

137>Now tell me why he's coming. Off shore drilling equipment.

138>We're hoping he's going to place a huge order with BG.

139>And where is he going to see all this off shore equipment?

140>Aberdeen. Clydeside.  Yes.

141>How many oil rigs have you got in Haslemere?

142>But the administrative problems…

143>That's what this whole department was created to solve.

144>But Scotland's so remote. Not all that remote.

145>It's that pink bit about two feet above Potter's Bar.

146>Very droll, Minister.

147>So, it's going to be Scotland.

148>That is my policy decision.

149>That's what I'm here for, right Bernard?

150>Right Humphrey? Good, thank you.

151>What's he got against the idea Bernad? I mean really.

152>Well, Sir Humphrey likes going to Foreign Embassies,

153>with his white tie, tails, medals.

154>It will all be on a much smaller scale of expectation in Scotland.

155>You mean no room for Humphrey?

156>Probably not. Only for the Permanent Secretary there.

157>Has Sir Humphrey got lots of um...?

158>Yes one or two, Minister.

159>He's been recommended for the KBE for the next honours list

160>How do you know?

161>I thought honours were a closely guarded secret.

162>More coffee, Jumbo? Thank you, Humpy.

163>Any luck with the Foreign Secretary about this 

164>Scottish nonsense?

165>Afraid not. Can't budge him. Your Minister nobbled him first.

166>No chance of getting it back to London?

167>No, I'm afraid the Cabinet are utterly united.

168>All these marginal seats, d'you see?

169>Shameful.

170>Political. 

171>Typical.

172>Inevitable.

173>And so blatant.

174>I mean issuing writs for three Scottish by-elections

175>to poll on the day after the visit.

176>Can you imagine Harold MacMillan doing a thing like that?

177>Yes.

178>Yes, so can I, actually.

179>Now, about the arrangements for Scotland.

180>The reception I mean. Do we know who's going?

181>Yes. I'm afraid the Burandan Consulate in Edinburgh

182>is rather a hutch.

183>I shall have to carry the flag

184>for the Civil Service all by myself.

185>Oh really?

186>Well, you have my sympathy.

187>God knows what they'll be  

188>serving up for the Scots and Burandans.

189>Haggis in missionary sauce, I shouldn't wonder.

190>Actually, between ourselves, the visit will probably never happen.

191>Never happen? Why? Rumblings in the interior.

192>Oh dear... Oh, I see what you mean.

193>From our man in Mungoville. Isn't that rather serious?

194>Buranda's a friendly African country 

195>with a Common Wealth connection.

196>Our information is it's likely to turn into a hostile L.D.C.

197>With a Cuban connection.

198>What will the Government do? The same as always...

199>Damn all!

200>.

201>We are just getting reports of a coup d'etat in Buranda,

202>the West African State, formerly British Equatorial Africa.

203>Earlier report suggested that the Commander in Chief

204>Colonel Selim Mohammed has been declared President.

205>It is not known what's happened to President Alam,

206>who was due to pay an official visit to Britain next week.

207>There is still no sign of agreement...

208>Did you see that? Get me the Foreign Secretary.

209>Shall we scramble?

210>Scramble.No, it's not secret, it's on the news.

211>Martin.

212>What's all this about Buranda? What's all what?

213>There's been a coup d'etat.

214>How do you know?

215>It was on the news. Didn't you see?

216>Don't you know? You're Foreign Secretary! For god's sake.

217>Yes. But my TV set's on the blink.

218>Your TV set? Don't you get telegrams?

219>No, they always come in later. I get all the foreign news from TV.

220>You're joking... aren't you? No.

221>What about this official visit? 

222>We've got to make sure this still happens.How can we?

223>Who's the new President? We must find out.

224>And make sure he comes. whoever he is.

225>There are three by-elections hanging on it. I know that.

226>Let me know if you hear anything more...

227>No, you let me know. You're the one with the telly.

228>You've heard the sad news? Yes, disaster.

229>No. No. No. No, just a slight inconvenience.

230>The wheels are in motion. Now it's really perfectly simple

231>to cancel the arrangements for the visit.

232>Cancel the visit? You'll do no such thing. 

233>We have no choice, Minister.

234>I've just been speaking with the Foreign Secretary. 

235>We are reissuing the invitation for the new President.

236>But, we haven't recognised his government.

237>The wheels are in motion.

238>But who is he? Mohammed something.

239>We know nothing about him. What's he like?

240>Humphrey, he's coming here on a official visit. 

241>We're not putting him up after the Athenaeum.

242>Minister.

243>Buranda is in total confusion.

244>We don't know who is behind him.

245>We don't know Whether he's Soviet backed,

246>or just a ordinary Burandan with an eye for the main chance.

247>We cannot take diplomatic risks.

248>The Government has no choice. But Her Majesty...

249>Her Majesty will cope. She always does.

250>But who is he?

251>He might not be properly brought up.

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252>He might be rude to her.

253>He might take liberties.

254>He will be photographed with Her Majesty

255>and what if he turns out to be another ldi Amin.

256>The repercussions are too hideous to contemplate.

257>We'll find out about him. We can't.

258>All that we know is that he's an enigma.

259>Humphrey, I don't care for that word.

260>Enigma?

261>And there are reasons of State which make this visit essential.

262>Buranda is potentially and enormously rich.

263>It needs oil rigs and we have idle shipyards on the Clyde.

264>Moreover, Buranda is essential to our African policy.

265>The Government doesn't have African policy.

266>Well, it has now.

267>And if he is Marxist backed,

268>who better to win him over to our side than her Majesty?

269>Moreover, the people of Scotland has been promised

270>the important state occasion cannot go back on ours words.

271>Not to mention three marginal by-elections.

272>Not to mention... It has nothing to do with it!

273>Of course not.

274>Yes? It's the Foreign Secretary.

275>Martin? Yes Yes.  

276>The visit's on.

277>Oh, splendid.

278>The new President of Buranda has announced his intention

279>to visiting this country next week, 

280>in accordance with his predecessor's arrangements.

281>So, the Foreign Office is getting the facts at last?

282>Well, not exactly.

283>Martin's driver heard a newsflash on his car radio.

284>So, the visit's on.

285>That is my recommendation to the PM.

286>Another policy decision, Bernard.

287>Quite a lot of them after all, aren't they?

288>Burandan Airways! They are doing well.

289>How many planes do they have? None.

290>You derisible, What about that one?

291>That one was chartered from Freddie Laker last week 

292>and repainted specially.

293>Actually, there's one 747 that belonged to

294>9 different African airlines in one month.

295>They called it the Mumbo Jumbo.

296>When does my plane leave? I've booked you on the sleeper.

297>You'll be at the House tonight. Oh, lord.

298>And now we are about to catch our first glimpse

299>of President Selim Mohammed of Buranda.

300>I know him! That's Charlie.

301>Charlie? We were at L.S. E. Together.

302>He's not Selim Mohammed, he's Charles Umtali.

303>Are you sure?

304>You don't forget a name like Charlie Umtali.

305>Have we anything on this Bernard? 

306>In the brief it stated

307>that Colonel Selim Mohammed 

308>was converted to Islam some years ago.

309>We didn't know his previous name, 

310>so we couldn't find out much about his background.

311>I know all about him. He's a red hot political economist.

312>Got the door first, wiped the floor with everyone.

313>That's all right then. Is it why?

314>What I think what Bernard means is that 

315>you know how to behave when you went to an English University.

316>Even if it was the L.S.E.

317>You said red hot, were you speaking politically?

318>Partly. You never know where you're with Charlie.

319>He's sort of person who follows you into a revolving door 

320>and comes out first.

321>No deep commitment?

322>Only to Charlie. I see. A politician, Minister.

323>Very droll, Humphrey.

324>It'll be a couple of days. Can't do much harm.

325>Always remember, Minister, you wanted him here, not me.

326>It is after half past, Minister.

327>When am I going to do all this correspondence?

328>Well, Minister...

329>Well done, Minister. Better out than in.

330>22:30 Edinburgh train

331>will leave from Platform 7...

332>Who is it? Bernard.

333>Come in. Bernard, what's the matter?

334>Would you read this, please? No, I will not.

335>But it's top priority. You always say like that at everything.

336>This is an advanced copy of President Selim's speech tomorrow. 

337>We just got it from the Brianda Embassy

338>I know about these speeches:

339>Happy to be here, bonds of shared experience,

340>Ties between our two countries, am I right? 

341>Oh, yes. That is all in it, but...

342>I'm certainly not going to read it tonight. 

343>I think you should, Minister..

344>I've underlined the important bits in red ink.

345>I'll just distribute some copies around the train.

346>Around the train?

347>Yes. To Sir Humphrey, the Foreign Secretary, 

348>the Press Officer all on the train...

349>"Burandans feel

350>"a special affinity with the…

351>"Celtic peoples

352>"in their struggle for freedom.

353>"We too had to fight to break free

354>from the chains of British colonialism".

355>Bristish colonialism?

356>"The people of Buranda urge the Scots and the Irish

357>"to end the English oppression, cast off the imperialist yoke

358>"and join the fellowship of free nations".

359>Good God!

360>Yes.

361>Well, Minister. 

362>We would appear to have been caught with our trousers down.

363>Humphrey, he can't say this in front of her.

364>I don't like to say I told you so, but I told you so.

365>Egg all over our faces. 

366>Not egg, Minister, just imperialist "yoke".

367>Three Scottish by-elections on Thursday.

368>Oh, yes. It is indeed a catastrophe. A tragedy.

369>A cataclysmic, apocalyptic, monumental calamity.

370>And you did it. Humphrey, you're paid to advise me, advise me!

371>This is not I like trying to advise the Captain of the Titanic

372>after he's struck the iceberg.

373>There must be something we can do.

374>We could sing Abide with Me?

375>Yes? Minister.

376>The Foreign Secretary would like a word.

377>Ah, Foreign Secretary. Have you read this...?

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378>Yes. My Minister is concerned  that our government

379>will have egg all over our face. Scotch egg, presumably.

380>Why is he doing it? 

381>Maybe it's for home consumption. He's just taken over.

382>Perhaps he's trying to persuade the other African Leaders

383>that he's a pukka anticolonialist.

384>Yes? Yes, Bernard?

385>The Press Officer would like a word.

386>Oh dear!

387>Room for a little 'un?

388>Do you think it's good idea to issue a statement?

389>Well, Minister, in practical terms

390>we have the usual six options.

391>One, do nothing.

392>Two, issue a statement deploring the speech.

393>Three, lodge an official protest.

394>Four, cut off aid.

395>Five, break off diplomatic relations.

396>And six, declare war. Which should we do?

397>If we do nothing, we implicitly agree with the speech.

398>Two, if we issue a statement, we just look foolish.

399>Three, if we lodge a protest, it will be ignored.

400>Four, we can't cut off aid because we don't give them any.

401>Five, if we break off diplomatic relations

402>we can't negotiate the oil rig contracts.

403>And six, if we declare war, 

404>it might just look as if we were overreacting.

405>In the old days we'd just send in a gun boat. Oh yes.

406>I suppose that is absolutely out of the question?

407>Yes? Minister...

408>The Permanent UnderSecretary of the Foreign Office 

409>is coming down the corridor over there

410>It'll be like the Black Hole of Calcutta.

411>May I come in, Minister. You can try.

412>This is all we needed.

413>Welcome to the Standing Committee.

414>Sir Frederick, you see this bomb-able speech?

415>what are we going to do about this?

416>Well, Minister, Foreign Secretary...

417>I think...

418>I think we know what's behind it,

419>don't we, Humpy?

420>Humpy?

421>I think Sir Frederick is suggesting 

422>that the offending paragraph may be

423>Shall we say, a bargaining counter.

424>You mean he wants something? 

425>Well, if he doesn't why send us an advance copy?

426>See. Why don't you find out what it is he wants?

427>The Embassy staff are all new, we've just seen the speech.

428>And no one knows anything about this President.

429>Except me.

430>Except you how? They were at University together.

431>The old boy network. That was 25 years ago.

432>He may not even remembe rme... I don't really think I could...

433>I think you ought to see him, Frederick.

434>No, Minister. I think you carry more weight.

435>Well, we are all agreed then 

436>that the mountain shall go to Mohammed?

437>No. No. No. Jim's going.

438>That's what I meant.

439>All right. But you'll have to come with me.

440>Of course, Minister.

441>I'd hardly let you do it on your own.

442>Oh, Jim, come in.

443>How nice to see you again. Charlie... Long time no see.

444>You don't have to speak pidgin English to me, Jim

445>This is Sir Humphrey Appleby, my Permanent UnderSecretary.

446>Your Excellency. How do you do.

447>Do sit down.

448>I've always thought that Permanent UnderSecretary 

449>is such a demeaning title.

450>I beg your pardon?

451>Sounds like an Assistant Typist or something,

452>whereas you're really in charge of everything, aren't you?

453>Well, not quite everything.

454>Charlie, I suppose I should congratulate you 

455>on becoming Head of State.

456>Oh, thanks. It wasn't difficult.

457>I didn't have to do any of the boring things, like fighting elections

458>or by-elections.

459>Jim, of course I'm delighted to see you,

460>but is this purely a social visit,

461>or is there anything in particular you wanted to talk about?

462>Because I do have to put a finish in touches of my speech.

463>Ah... Well, yes... Actually, we have seen an advanced copy...

464>You liked it?

465>Charlie, may I speak frankly?

466>I mean we're old friends, aren't we? Of course.

467>You must realise that that bit about colonialist oppression

468>was a bit... well... um, very...

469>Well, actually profoundly embarrassing.

470>That passage where you urged the Scots and the Irish to er...

471>I wonder if you could um, give it a miss?

472>Give it a miss? Yes.

473>But, this is something I feel very, very deeply to be true.

474>Surely the British don't believe in suppressing the truth?

475>Good heavens no.

476>I wonder if there's anything that might persuade you, President.

477>to consider recasting that sentence and transfering the emphasis

478>from the specific instance to the abstract concept

479>without, of course, in any way,

480>impairing the conceptual integrity of the theme.

481>Yes...

482>May I change the subject?

483>Jim, while you're here may I sound you out on a proposal

484>I was going to make to the Prime Minister?

485>What proposal?

486>Our little change of Government has quite unnecessarily alarmed

487>some of the investors in our oil industry.

488>Only temporarily of course, but it does mean thatwe need

489>a little British investment to tide us over.

490>To restore confidence, you know.

491>How much?

492>Fifty million pounds.

493>Ask him on what terms.

494>On what terms?

495>Repayment of the capital not to start before ten years.

496>And interest free.

497>Fifty million pounds... it's a lot ot money.

498>I see, well in that case...

499>But that doesn't mean we can't talk about it? Hey, Humphrey

500>Interest free? Ten years?

501>Assuming that the interest would be a 10%

502>he's asking for a free gift of fifty million pounds.

503>It would appear that you're rightly asking for

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504>a free gift of about fifty million pounds.

505>But it's to your advantage.

506>We would use the loan to buy oil rigs built on the Clyde.

507>Ah, well.

508>He's asking us to give him 50 million pounds

509>so that he can buy our oil rigs with our money.

510>Reasonable to me.

511>Reasonable, Minister? Lots of jobs, Humphrey.

512>Charlie, supposing it were possible to do this deal,

513>would you find it possible to make the

514>necessary cuts in your speech today?

515>Yes, but I'd have to know now.

516>Blackmail!

517>Are you describing me or my proposal?

518>Your proposal, naturally.

519>No, no, not even your proposal.

520>I think we can come to agreement, don't you Humphrey?

521>Minister...

522>Could I have a word with you?

523>Yes?

524>Will you excuse us, Your Excellency?

525>Is anything wrong? Is anything right?

526>He's offering us a way out.

527>A way out? He's calling us to give a gift of 50mp. A way out?

528>It's a loan. You call it what you like. We'll neverget it back.

529>You're proposing to buy your way out of political involvement

530>with fifty million pounds of public money?

531>It's diplomacy. It's corruption, Minister.

532>K.B.E.

533>Humpy.

534>You mean...

535>Yes, I see.

536>I suppose we don't want the Soviets to invest in Buranda, do we?

537>And I suppose it could be argued that 

538>we have a responsibility to the...

539>T.P. L.A.C.'s.

540>Yes, quite.

541>Oh, good.

542>Mr. President, I think we can come to terms after all.

543>Well, you know my price. And you know mine.

544>Everyone has his price.

545>Yes, Minister.

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ijk英语提醒:版权归原字幕组所有,仅供学习交流使用

1>正式访问

2>"尽管1978年苏格兰法案A节第3小节

3>"第二百一十四条对此有所规定

4>"仍然建议

5>"就法律条文的执行而言

6>"各责任部门间非正常的

7>"和不确定的情况

8>"属于行政部

9>"大臣权限之内"

10>什么意思?

11>对不起?     这是什么意思?

12>哦...是这样 大臣

13>意思是"尽管法案有所规定..."

14>别读给我听 我刚读过 到底是什么意思?

15>就是它说的那意思 大臣

16>请允许我提醒您 大臣

17>还有15分钟您要接见劳工代表团

18>之后过半小时是全国工联代表 

19>中午12点是企业局代表

20>他们来想要什么?     都担心机器设备的事

21>机器?     是的 担心会通胀 紧缩 以及再通胀

22>他们当我是什么

23>一个内阁大臣 还是自行车打气筒?

24>我什么时候才有时间答复这些信件?

25>您得知道 其实不用回 大臣

26>不用吗?     要是不想回就不用回 

27>可以草拟一份官方回复

28>官方答复是什么意思?

29>就是回复 "大臣感谢你的来信"

30>再说些"正在考虑当中"之类的话

31>要是您觉得一样 也可以说 "正在积极考虑当中"

32>有何不同?

33>"在考虑当中"意思是文件已经丢了

34>"在积极考虑当中"的意思是我们正在找

35>您只要把信件移到这边的文件格

36>要是您想看到回复就在边上加批注

37>如果不加 就再也不用去管它了

38>把东西从这里移到这里 不用去看

39>我要做的就是这样     是的

40>会有人来处理?     没错     

41>处理完毕?     毫无纰漏

42>那大臣是来干什么的?

43>呃... 来决定政策 大臣

44>当您已经决定政策 我们会来执行

45>需要经常决定政策吗?

46>有时候需要

47>伯纳德 这届政府是来管理国家的

48>不能像往届那样就是来统治

49>当一个国家正在走下坡路时

50>得有人坐在驾驶席上

51>往油门上踩一脚

52>我想您是指刹车吧

53>呃 汉弗莱     打扰一会儿 大臣

54>"布兰达国总统对英国的正式访问"

55>布兰达在哪儿?

56>非洲     从没听过

57>是的 大臣 一个很新的国家

58>以前叫做英属赤道非洲

59>就是左手边的那个红点 在地中海下面(指地图上)

60>哦 是那儿 为什么交给我?

61>这是外交部的事 

62>不 不全是 有些行政问题

63>女王陛下在巴莫拉尔宫

64>所以要来伦敦

65>国家访问不是几年前就定下来了吗

66>这不是国家访问 而是政府首脑访问

67>布兰达总统不就是国家首领

68>但他也是政府首脑 大臣

69>如果他作为政府首脑而来

70>还要女王见他干吗?

71>因为他是国家首领 大臣

72>国家首领来访必须由国家首领来迎接

73>就算那人不是以国家首领的身份而来

74>这都是戴帽子的问题 大臣

75>帽子?

76>是的 他戴着一顶政府首脑的帽子来访

77>他也是国家首领 但不能算是国家访问

78>因为他没戴那顶国家首领的帽子

79>但外交礼节要求

80>就算他戴着一顶政府首脑的帽子

81>仍必须由女王来迎接他

82>为什么我们要接受

83>这个非洲弹丸小国的来访?          大臣阁下

84>我请求您别管它叫做非洲弹丸小国

85>这是个L.D.C     什么?

86>布兰达就是以前所谓的不发达国家

87>然而 这种叫法被普遍认为有失礼貌

88>于是他们被称作发展中国家

89>又叫作欠发达国家 即L.D.C

90>现在我们准备把L.D.C这个称呼换成H.R.R.C

91>那又是什么?

92>人力资源丰富的国家     意思是?

93>他们人口严重过剩 是来要钱的

94>布兰达就是个H.R.R.C?

95>不 大臣

96>别这么严谨 这算是个富国还是个穷国?

97>我们也不再用这种称呼了

98>但是非要这么说的话 布兰达是个"将会富"的国家

99>将会富?

100>两三年后 将会富有大量石油

101>哦 我明白了

102>干吗不早说啊?

103>这根本不是个T.P.L.A.C.     T.P.L.A.C? 

104>非洲弹丸小国

105>绝不是 大臣

106>石油 等等 我有个绝妙的注意

107>女王根本不用从巴莫拉尔宫赶到这儿来

108>您是否建议 让女王陛下和那位总统

109>通过电话互致正式问候?

110>不 不 不 不

111>难道您是要他们大声呼喊?

112>不是 访问应该在苏格兰进行

113>在霍利鲁得宫     不可能

114>为什么?     这不由我们决定

115>这是外交部的事     不是吧     

116>"尽管法案有所规定...

117>仍然建议...

118>各责任部门间非正常的和... 

119>属于行政部

120>大臣权限之内      哦 是的 不过…

121>还不明白? 多棒的主意

122>我们让女王免去了一趟毫无意义的行程

123>正好苏格兰要举行三场补缺选举 

124>都是偏远选区

125>访问一结束就举行

126>大臣阁下 我们不能因为党派政治而

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127>举行政府首脑访问  我们是为了国家

128>可我的计划正表明苏格兰是英国地位平等的一部分

129>她也是苏格兰女王 这你明白

130>而苏格兰有很多边缘选...我是说 经济萧条地区

131>大臣阁下 我可不认为利用王室

132>就意味着要把女王卷入到所谓的

133>肮脏的拉票活动中

134>你需要更好的理由?     的确需要

135>那你告诉我他为何而来

136>来就共同利益交换意见

137>告诉我他是为何而来     近海石油钻井设备

138>希望他会和英国政府签一笔大单子

139>他要上哪儿去看这些设备?

140>阿伯丁 克莱德         没错

141>你在黑索米尔镇有多少钻塔 汉弗莱?

142>但是行政上的问题…

143>本部门就是为解决行政问题而建立的     

144>可苏格兰太远了     也没多远

145>就是波特斯巴镇上面两英寸粉红色的那小块

146>这真有趣 大臣

147>好了 就在苏格兰了

148>这就是我决定的政策

149>我就是来干这个的 是吗 伯纳德?

150>是吗 汉弗莱? 很好 谢谢

151>他为什么反对这个主意 伯纳德? 我是说 真实原因

152>汉弗莱爵士很喜欢参加大使馆的宴会

153>打着白领结 身穿燕尾服 胸别勋章 衣冠楚楚

154>要是在苏格兰 场面就小多了

155>你是说 汉弗莱露面的机会不多?

156>基本上没有 只有苏格兰的常任秘书才有机会

157>汉弗莱爵士有很多...吗?

158>有 大臣 一两枚吧

159>他还被推荐为下届高级英帝国勋爵

160>你怎么知道的?

161>我以为授勋的事一直是严格保密的

162>再来点咖啡吗 巨人?     谢谢 小汉

163>外交大臣不会同意了这个荒谬的

164>苏格兰方案吧?

165>恐怕是的 说不动他 你的大臣先把他拉拢了

166>不可能再弄回伦敦了?

167>不可能了 看来内阁是完全一致

168>都是为了偏远地区的选票 看出来了吧?

169>真不要脸

170>党派政治    

171>太典型了

172>老一套的东西

173>还这么招摇

174>我是说 公然颁布了在访问之后

175>举行三场补缺选举的文件

176>你能想像哈罗德•麦克米伦(首相)会做出这种事吗?

177>能

178>是啊 其实我也认为会

179>那么 苏格兰那边的安排

180>我是说接待 你知道谁会去吗?

181>是啊 布兰达在爱丁堡的领事馆

182>恐怕就是个猪圈

183>还不又得让我一个人

184>为了这些行政事务忙前忙后

185>是吗?

186>真同情你

187>天知道他们会给

188>那些苏格兰人和布兰达人吃些什么

189>教会调料扮苏格兰羊杂 除了这个还会是什么

190>私下里说 其实很可能不会有什么访问了

191>不会有? 为什么?     内部不太平

192>哦 天哪… 哦 我明白了

193>我们驻芒戈维尔的人这么说的    有那么严重吗?

194>布兰达是个友好的非洲国家

195>也算是英联邦的友邦

196>我们的情报是它可能会变成一个敌对的

197>跟古巴搭上关系的欠发达国家

198>政府会怎么做?     就和以往一样...

199>管他呢!

200>(BBC 电视新闻)

201>刚刚收到报导 西非国家布兰达

202>也就是前英属赤道非洲发生了政变

203>早先的报导说总司令

204>赛林•默罕默德宣布成为该国总统

205>前总统阿兰 情况不明

206>而后者原定于下周对英国进行正式访问

207>还没有迹象表明...

208>看到了吗? 快给我接外交大臣

209>要封锁消息吗?

210>封锁 不 已经不是秘密了 都成新闻了

211>马丁

212>布兰达这事怎么办?     怎么回事?

213>那里发生政变了

214>你怎么知道的?

215>都上电视了 你没看到吗?

216>你不知道? 你可是外交大臣啊! 天哪

217>是啊 可我的电视机出毛病了

218>你的电视机? 你不是有外交部电文么?

219>不 电文总是晚到 我都从电视上看国际新闻的

220>你在开玩笑...对吧?       不开玩笑

221>正式访问怎么办?

222>必须保证访问照常进行 对吗?     我们能怎么办? 

223>新总统是谁?      得查清楚

224>确保他会来 管他是谁

225>还有三场补缺选举靠这个呢     这我知道

226>一有进一步消息就告诉我

227>不 还是你告诉我 你有电视

228>听到那个坏消息了吗 大臣阁下?     是啊 简直是灾难

229>不 不 不 不 只是小小的不便

230>轮子已经转起来了 取消访问

231>不过是件简单的事情

232>取消访问? 你不能这么做    

233>我们别无选择 大臣

234>我刚和外交大臣谈过 

235>我们将重新邀请新总统访问

236>可是 我们还没承认他的政府

237>轮子已经开始转了

238>可新总统是谁?     默罕默德什么的

239>我们对他一无所知 他到底是什么样的人?

240>汉弗莱 他是来访问的

241>我们又不是让他加入国会俱乐部

242>大臣阁下

243>布兰达还处于混乱之中

244>我们不知道谁在为他撑腰

245>我们不知道他是仗着苏联而来

246>还是个只为了敲竹杠而来的普通布兰达人

247>我们不能冒外交风险

248>政府别无选择     可是女王陛下...

249>女王陛下能够应付 她总能应付

250>但那人到底是谁?

251>他可能很没教养

252>他可能对她言行粗鲁

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253>他可能会对女王动手动脚

254>他肯定会跟女王合影

255>那时发现他是又一个伊迪•阿明(乌干达暴君)怎么办?

256>这样的后果将可怕得难以预料

257>我们会查清楚他     我们办不到

258>在我们眼里他仍是一个谜团

259>汉弗莱 我不喜欢这个词

260>谜团?

261>国家的大计使这次访问成为必然

262>布兰达资源丰富充满前景

263>他们需要钻塔 而我们在克莱德河边的船厂却闲着

264>此外 布兰达是我们非洲政策不可或缺的一部分

265>政府没有非洲政策

266>那么 现在有了

267>要是真有共产党给他撑腰

268>谁比女王陛下更合适把他拉拢过来?

269>况且我们已经答应了苏格兰人民

270>将在那里举行这次国事活动 我们不能食言

271>更不用说为了边缘地区的三次补缺选举

272>更不用说那三次...这可与此无关

273>当然没有

274>请说? 是外交大臣

275>马丁? 好 好       

276>访问将如期进行

277>哦 太好了

278>布兰达的新总统已宣布有意

279>于下周访问英国

280>和他前任的安排一致

281>看来 外交部终于得到了确定的事实

282>其实 也不全是

283>是马丁的司机从汽车收音机里听到的简讯

284>好了 访问将如期进行

285>这就是我给首相的提议

286>又一项政策决定 伯纳德

287>还真做了不少决策了呢 是吗?

288>布兰达航空 还真行啊

289>他们有多少飞机?     一架也没有

290>别犯傻了 那这架呢?

291>这架是上周刚从弗雷迪•莱克租来的

292>特地重新刷过了(弗雷迪•莱克航空公司)

293>实际上 曾有一架747飞机在一个月内

294>曾归属于9家不同的非洲航空公司

295>他们称之为"非洲之神"

296>我的飞机什么时候走?     我给您订了火车卧铺

297>您今晚还得去下院     哦 上帝

298>现在我们将一睹

299>布兰达总统赛林•默罕默德的风采

300>我认识他! 是查理

301>查理?     我们是伦敦政治经济学院的同学

302>他不是什么赛林•默罕默德 是查理•乌塔利

303>你确信?

304>查理•乌塔利这样的名字可不容易忘掉

305>还有什么资料吗 伯纳德?  

306>我查了简介 汉弗莱爵士

307>上面说赛林•默罕默德上校

308>几年前入了伊斯兰教

309>查不到他原先叫什么

310>更别说什么背景了

311>这我倒知道 这家伙是个激进的政治经济学家

312>总是先发制人 战胜每个对手

313>那就好了     什么意思?

314>我想伯纳德的意思是他既然上过英国的大学

315>就该知道检点自己的行为

316>就算是在伦敦政经学院

317>你说这人很激进 是指政治上吗?

318>某种程度上是 跟查理在一起会让你迷失方向

319>他是那种跟着你进旋转门

320>出来的时候却在你前面

321>没什么很深的信仰吧?

322>只对他自己     我明白了 是个政客 大臣

323>很有趣 汉弗莱

324>就待几天 不会有问题

325>请千万记住 大臣 是你要他来的 不是我

326>列车半小时后出发 大臣

327>什么时候才能处理这些信件?

328>其实 大臣...

329>干得好 大臣 送出去总比收进来好

330>十点三十分开往爱丁堡的列车

331>将从七号站台发车

332>谁?     伯纳德

333>进来 伯纳德 什么事?

334>您看一下这个好吗?     不 我不看

335>可情况紧急     什么事你都这么说

336>这是赛林总统明天演讲稿的复印件

337>我们刚从布兰达大使馆拿到

338>我了解这种演讲

339>很高兴来到贵国 什么互相交流的重要性啊

340>两国间的联系啊 是这样吗?     

341>是的 里面都写了 可是...

342>我今晚可不会看这个     

343>大臣 我真觉得您该看一下

344>重点我已经用红笔划出来了

345>我再到其他车厢发几份

346>其他车厢?

347>是的 汉弗莱爵士 外交大臣

348>新闻官都在列车上

349>"布兰达人民感到自己

350>"和他们的共同战友…

351>"所有凯尔特人后代

352>"在争取民族自由的斗争中有着共鸣

353>"我们都面临着为摆脱

354>英殖民主义而战的艰巨任务"

355>英殖民主义?

356>"布兰达人民催促苏格兰人和爱尔兰人

357>"结束英国的压迫 摆脱帝国主义的枷锁

358>"加入到自由国家的行列中"

359>我的天!

360>请进

361>哦 大臣

362>要是被抓到不穿裤子我们就好看了

363>汉弗莱 他怎么能当着女王的面讲这个

364>我无意冒犯 但我的确提醒过你了

365>这下脸上挂不住了   

366>挂得住 大臣 只是挂得是帝国主义的"枷锁"

367>周四在苏格兰还有三次补缺选举

368>是啊 这的确是场灾难 一场悲剧

369>震荡 天谴 空前的浩劫 

370>是你造成的     汉弗莱 付你工资就是要你给我建议!    

371>我可不喜欢在泰坦尼克号撞上冰山后

372>再给船长您提建议

373>必须做点什么

374>我们唱"救主同住"如何?

375>请进?     大臣

376>外交大臣要见您

377>外交大臣     你看过了吗?

378>是啊 大臣正担心政府的脸上

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379>会被丢鸡蛋了 大概是苏格兰鸡蛋吧

380>他为什么这么做?     

381>大概是说给国内听的 他刚当上总统

382>或许他要让其他非洲国家领导人相信

383>他是个真正的反殖民主义者

384>请进 什么事 伯纳德?

385>新闻官要见您

386>天哪!

387>还能站进来个小个子吗?

388>汉弗莱 你觉得发表声明怎么样?

389>其实 大臣 具体而言

390>我们有六种通常可用的选择

391>其一 听之任之

392>其二 发表声明 对演说表示遗憾

393>其三 提出正式抗议 

394>其四 停止援助

395>其五 断绝外交关系

396>最后 宣战     那该选哪个? 

397>要是听之任之 就等于默认了演讲内容

398>第二 如果发表声明 我们就会出丑

399>第三 如果我们提出抗议 他们不会放在眼里

400>第四 我们无法停止援助 因为我们没援助过

401>第五 要是断绝外交关系

402>就谈不成钻井合同了

403>最后 如果向他们宣战 

404>那就显得有些反应过火了

405>要是在过去 就该派炮艇了     是啊

406>我想 这是绝对办不到的?

407>请进?     大臣...

408>常务外交次长

409>正沿着车厢走过来

410>这里就要变成加尔各答的黑牢了

411>可以进来吗 大臣     你试试吧

412>这就是我们要的一切

413>欢迎来到"站着的"委员会(原意是常委会)

414>弗雷德里克先生 看过这爆炸性的演讲稿了吧?

415>我们该怎么办?

416>其实 大臣 外长...

417>我觉得...

418>我觉得我们知道这是出于什么原因

419>对吧 小汉?

420>小汉?

421>我想弗雷德里克先生的意思

422>是这段讨厌的内容其实

423>可以说 是他们讨价还价的本钱

424>你是说他有所企图?     

425>否则提前把复印稿给我们干吗?

426>明白了 那就弄清楚他想要什么?

427>大使馆都是新手 我们也才刚拿到这份演说稿

428>又没有人对这位总统有所了解

429>除了我

430>除了你 怎么会?     他们是大学同学

431>老同学关系啊    那是二十五年前的事了

432>他可能都不记得我了... 我觉得我真不行...

433>我觉得你该去见他 弗雷德里克

434>不 大臣 我觉得您份量更重

435>那好 我们就都同意

436>该让这座大山去见默罕默德?

437>不 不 不 吉姆去

438>我就是此意

439>好吧 但你得和我一块儿去

440>当然了 大臣

441>我是不会让您一个人上的

442>吉姆 快进来

443>真高兴能再见到你     查理... 好久不见

444>你可不用跟我讲洋泾浜英语 吉姆

445>这位是我的常务次长 汉弗莱•阿博柏先生

446>阁下     你好

447>坐吧

448>我一直以为常务次长

449>是个低三下四的头衔

450>您说什么?

451>听起来就像个助理打字员之流

452>其实你掌管一切 是吗?

453>其实 也不是一切

454>查理 我要祝贺你

455>成为了一位国家首领

456>谢谢 这不难

457>我用不着去做什么烦琐的事 比如竞选

458>或是补缺选举之类

459>吉姆 我当然很高兴见到你

460>不过你这次来只是想叙叙旧

461>还是有什么特别的事要谈?

462>我还得花时间最后再润色一下演讲稿

463>是的... 实际上 我们看了稿子复印件

464>喜欢吗?

465>查理 我就开门见山吧?

466>我们是老朋友了 对吧?     当然

467>你一定明白那段讲殖民压迫的

468>有那么一点... 非常...

469>其实 十分之令人尴尬

470>你那段催促苏格兰人和爱尔兰人...

471>我想是不是可以... 省略掉?

472>省略掉?     是的

473>但是 我深深地感到这是如此真实

474>相信贵国政府不会压制真相吧?

475>当然不会

476>总统阁下 我想是否有办法说服您

477>改变一下措辞 将其重点

478>从具体的事例 转移到抽象的概念上去 

479>当然了 不管怎样 又不至于 

480>削弱演讲主题概念上的完整性

481>是啊...

482>我能先说点别的吗?

483>吉姆 既然你来了 是否可以先向你

484>征求一下我打算给首相提的建议?

485>什么建议?

486>这次政府的小变化给我们石油工业的

487>一些投资者造成了不必要的恐慌

488>当然只是暂时的 不过我们的确需要

489>一点英国投资帮我们渡过难关

490>来恢复信心 这你明白

491>要多少?

492>五千万英镑

493>问问他还款期限

494>还款期限呢?

495>十年后开始偿还本金

496>并且免利息

497>五千万英镑... 可是一笔巨款

498>我明白了 那样的话...

499>但这并不意味我们不能谈谈? 嗨 汉弗莱

500>免利息? 十年?

501>假定利率是百分之十

502>他要我们白白送给他五千万英镑

503>这么看来你似乎是要

504>我们白送五千万英镑

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505>但这对你们有利

506>我们会用贷款去买克莱德造的钻井

507>这样...

508>他要我们给他五千万英镑

509>然后用我们的钱买我们的钻井

510>我觉得还算合理

511>合理 大臣?     会创造很多工作 汉弗莱     

512>查理 要是这笔交易做成了

513>你是不是有可能会对

514>演讲内容做些必要的删减?

515>是的 但现在就得定下来 

516>敲诈!

517>你是在说我还是我的建议?

518>当然是你的建议

519>不 不 也不是你的建议

520>我想可以达成协议了 是吗 汉弗莱?

521>大臣...

522>能和你说几句吗?

523>什么?

524>请原谅 阁下

525>有什么不妥吗?     有什么妥当吗?

526>他给了我们出路

527>出路? 要我们白送五千万 出路?

528>是贷款    随你怎么说 这可永远也要不回来了

529>你打算花掉整整五千万公款

530>来买条政治上的出路?

531>这就是外交     这是腐败 大臣

532>高级英帝国勋爵

533>小汉

534>你的意思是...

535>是的 我明白了

536>我想我们也不希望苏联人投资布兰达 是吧?

537>而且不可否认的是

538>我们应该负起责任来 尤其是对...

539>非洲弹丸小国

540>是的 非常正确

541>好吧

542>总统先生 我想我们可以达成协议了

543>好吧 你知道我的价格     你也知道我的

544>人人都有个价格

545>是 大臣

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