生活大爆炸S01E01

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天才也性感  第1季  第1集

1>So if a photon is directed through a plane

2>with two slits in it and either slit is observed,

3>it will not go through both slits.

4>If it's unobserved,it will.

5>However,if it's observed after it's left the plane

6>But before it hits its target,

7>it won't have gone through both slits.

8>Agreed. what's your point?

9>There's no point,I just think it's a good idea for a t-shirt.

10>-excuse me. -hang on.

11>One across is "aegean."

12>Eight down is "nabokov."

13>26 across is "mcm."

14>14 down is... move your finger...

15>"phylum" which makes 14 across "port-au-prince"

16>See,"papa doc's capitol idea," that's "port-au-prince."

17>Haiti.

18>-can I help you? -yes.

19>Is this the high-iq sperm bank?

20>If you have to ask,maybe you shouldn't be here.

21>I think this is the place.

22>-fill these out. -thank you.

23>-we'll be right back. -take your time.

24>I'll just finish my crossword puzzle.

25>Oh,wait.

26>Leonard,I don't think I can do this.

27>What,are you kidding? you're a semi-pro.

28>No. we are committing genetic fraud.

29>There's no guarantee that our sperm

30>is going to generate high-iqOffspring.

31>Think about that. I have a sister with the same basic dna mix

32>Who hostesses at fuddruckers.

33>Sheldon,this was your idea.

34>A little extra money to get

35>fractional t-1 bandwidth in the apartment.

36>I know,and I do yearn for faster downloads.

37>But there's some poor woman

38>who's gonna pin her hopes on my sperm.

39>What if she winds up with a toddler who doesn't know if he should use

40>An integral or a differential to solve the area under a curve?

41>-i'm sure she'll still love him. -i wouldn't.

42>Well,what do you want to do?

43>I want to leave.

44>What's the protocol for leaving?

45>I don't know... I've never reneged on a proffer of sperm before.

46>Let's try just walking out.

47>-bye. -bye. nice meeting you.

48>Are you still mad about the sperm bank?

49>No.

50>You want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?

51>Not really.

52>If the height of a single step is off by as little as two millimeters,

53>-most people will trip. -i don't care.

54>Two milli... that doesn't seem right.

55>No,it's true,I did a series of experiments when I was 12

56>My father broke his clavicle.

57>Is that why they sent you to boarding school?

58>No. that was a result of my work with lasers.

59>New neighbor?

60>Evidently.

61>Significant improvement over the old neighbor.

62>200-pound transvestite with a skin condition?

63>Yes,she is.

64>-oh,hi. -hi.

65>We don't mean to interrupt. we live across the hall.

66>Oh,that's nice.

67>We don't live together. I mean...

68>We live together,

69>But in separate,heterosexual bedrooms.

70>Okay,well...

71>Guess I'm your new neighbor. penny.

72>-leonard. sheldon. -hi.

73>Well...

74>Welcome to the building.

75>Thank you. maybe we can have coffee sometime.

76>Great.

77>-well... bye. -bye.

78>Should we have invited her for lunch?

79>No.We're gonna start season two of battlestar galactica.

80>We already watched the season two dvds.

81>Not with commentary.

82>I think we should be good neighbors

83>And invite her over,make her feel welcome.

84>We never invited louie-slash-louise over.

85>And that was wrong of us.

86>We need to widen our circle.

87>I have a very wide circle.

88>I have 212 friends on myspace.

89>Yes,and you've never met one of them.

90>That's the beauty of it.

91>I'm gonna invite her over.

92>We'll have a nice meal and... chat.

93>Chat? we don't chat. at least not offline.

94>It's not difficult.

95>You just listen to what she says

96>And then you say something appropriate in response.

97>To what end?

98>Hi... again.

99>Hi.

100>Anyway...

101>We brought home indian food.

102>And...

103>I know that moving can be stressful,

104>And I find that when I'm undergoing stress,

105>That good food and company can have a comforting effect.

106>Also,curry is a natural laxative,and I don't have to tell you

107>That,you know,a clean colon is just...

108>One less thing to worry about.

109>I'm no expert,but I believe in the context of a luncheon invitation,

110>You might want to skip the reference to bowel movements.

111>You're inviting me over to eat?

112>Yes.

113>Oh,that's so nice. I'd love to.

114>Great.

115>So,what do you guys do for fun around here?

116>Today we tried masturbating for money.

117>Okay,make yourself at home.

118>Thank you.

119>You're very welcome.

120>This looks like some serious stuff.

121>-leonard,did you do this? -actually,that's my work.

122>Yeah. well,it's just some quantum mechanics

123>With a little string theory doodling around the edges.

124>That part there,that's just a joke.

125>It's a spoof of the born-oppenheimer approximation.

126>So you're like one of those beautiful mind genius guys.

127>Yeah.

128>-this is really impressive. -i have a board.

129>If you like boards,this is my board.

130>Holy smokes.

131>If by "holy smokes",you mean

132>A derivative restatement of the kind of stuff

133>You can find scribbled on the wall of any men's room at mit,sure.

134>-what? -come on.

135>Who hasn't seen this differential below "here I sit,broken-hearted"?

136>At least I didn't have to invent 26 dimensions

137>Just to make the math come out.

138>I didn't invent them. they're there.

139>-in what universe? -in all of them... that is the point.

140>Do you guys mind if I start?

141>Penny...

142>That's where l sit.

143>So,sit next to me.

144>No... I sit there.

145>What's the difference?

146>-what's the difference? -here we go.

147>In the winter,that seat is close enough to the radiator

148>To remain warm,and yet not so close as to cause perspiration

149>In the summer,it's directly in the path of a cross-breeze

150>Created by opening windows there and there.

151>It faces the television at an angle

152>That is neither direct,thus discouraging conversation,

153>Nor so far wide as to create a parallax distortion.

154>I could go on,but I think I've made my point.

155>Do you want me to move?

156>-well... -just sit somewhere else.

157>Fine.

158>Sheldon,sit!

159>Well,this is nice.

160>We don't have a lot of company over.

161>That's not true. koothrappali and wolowitz come over all the time.

162>-yes i know,but... -tuesday night,

163>We played klingon boggle till 1:00 a.m.

164>Yeah,I remember.

165>-don't say we don't have company. -sorry.

166>-that has negative social implications. -i said I'm sorry!

167>Klingon boggle?

168>Yeah. it's like regular boggle,but...

169>In klingon.

170>That's probably enough about us. so,tell us about you.

171>Me? okay.

172>I'm a sagittarius,

173>Which probably tells you way more than you need to know.

174>Yes. it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion

175>That the sun's apparent position

176>Relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth

177>Somehow affects your personality.

178>Participate in the what?

179>I think what sheldon's trying to say

180>Is that sagittarius wouldn't have been our first guess.

181>Yeah,a lot of people think I'm a water sign.

182>Okay,let's see,what else.

183>I'm a vegetarian. except for fish.

184>And the occasional steak. I love steak!

185>Well,that's interesting.

186>Leonard can't process corn.

187>Well... do you have some sort of a job?

188>Yeah. I'm a waitress at the cheesecake factory.

189>I love cheesecake.

190>You're lactose-intolerant.

191>I don't eat it... I just think it's a good idea.

192>Anyways,I'm also writing a screenplay.

193>It's about this sensitive girl who comes to l.a. from lincoln,nebraska,

194>To be an actress and winds up a waitress at the cheesecake factory.

195>So,it's based on your life.

196>No,I'm from omaha.

197>If that was movie,I would go see it.

198>I know,right?

199>Okay,let's see,what else...

200>Guess that's about it.

201>That's the story of penny.

202>It sounds wonderful.

203>It was.

204>Until I fell in love with a jerk!

205>What's happening?

206>God,you know,4 years I lived with him.

207>4 years... that's like as long as high school.

208>It took you 4 years to get through high school?

209>It just... I can't believe I trusted him.

210>Should I say something? I feel like I should say something.

211>You? no,you'll only make it worse.

212>You want to know the most pathetic part?

213>Even though I hate his lying,cheating guts...

214>I still love him.

215>Is that crazy?

216>Yes.

217>No,it's not crazy. it's a...

218>It's a paradox.

219>Paradoxes are part of nature. think about light.

220>If you look at huygens,light is a wave,

221>As confirmed by the double-slit experiments,

222>But then along comes albert einstein

223>And discovers that light behaves like particles,too.

224>Well,I didn't make it worse.

225>I'm so sorry. I'm such a mess.

226>On top of everything else,I'm all gross from moving

227>And my stupid shower doesn't even work.

228>Our shower works.

229>Really? would it be totally weird if I used it?

230>-yes. -no.

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231>-no. -no.

232>It's right down the hall.

233>Thanks.

234>You guys are really sweet.

235>Well,this is an interesting development.

236>How so?

237>It has been some time since we've had a woman

238>Take her clothes off in our apartment.

239>That's not true. remember at thanksgiving,

240>My grandmother with alzheimer's had that episode?

241>Point taken. it has been some time

242>Since we've had a woman take her clothes off,

243>After which we didn't want to rip our eyes out.

244>The worst part was watching her carve that turkey.

245>So what exactly are you trying to accomplish here?

246>Excuse me?

247>That woman is not going to have sex with you.

248>I'm not trying to have sex with her.

249>Good. then you won't be disappointed.

250>What makes you think she wouldn't have sex with me?

251>I'm a male and she's a female.

252>Yes,but not of the same species.

253>I'm not going to engage in hypotheticals here.

254>I'm just trying to be a good neighbor.

255>Of course.

256>That's not to say that if a carnal relationship were to develop,

257>That I wouldn't participate.

258>However briefly.

259>Do you think this possibility will be helped or hindered

260>When she discovers your luke skywalker no-more-tears shampoo?

261>It's darth vader shampoo.

262>Luke skywalker's the conditioner.

263>-wait till you see this. -it's fantastic,unbelievable.

264>See what?

265>It's a stephen hawking lecture from mit in 1974.

266>This isn't a good time.

267>It's before he became a creepy computer voice.

268>-that's great. you guys have to go. -why?

269>It's just not a good time.

270>Leonard has a lady over.

271>Yeah,right... your grandmother back in town?

272>No. And she's not a lady. she's just a new neighbor.

273>Hang on,there really is a lady here?

274>And you want us out because you're anticipating coitus?

275>I'm not anticipating coitus.

276>So she's available for coitus?

277>Can we please just stop saying "coitus"?

278>Technically,that would be"coitus interruptus. "

279>Hey,is there a trick to getting it to switch from tub to shower...?

280>Hi. sorry. hello.

281>Enchant? mademoiselle.

282>Howard wolowitz,caltech department of applied physics.

283>You may be familiar with some of my work.

284>It's currently orbiting jupiter's largest moon

285>Taking high-resolution digital photographs.

286>Penny. I work at the cheesecake factory.

287>I'll show you the trick with the shower.

{\fn方正综艺简体}{\fs14}{\b0}{\c&HFFFFFF&}{\3c&H2F2F2F&}{\4c&H000000&}"Bonne douche"\NBonne douche.

288>I'm sorry?

289>It's french for "good shower. "

290>It's a sentiment I can express in six languages.

291>Save it for your blog,howard.

洗个痛快澡

292>All right,there it goes. it sticks. I'm sorry.

293>-okay,thanks. -you're welcome.

294>You're just gonna to step right... okay,I'll...

295>-hey,leonard? -the hair products are sheldon's.

296>Can I ask you a favor?

297>A favor?

298>Sure,you can ask me a favor. I would do you a favor for you.

299>It's okay if you say no.

300>I'll probably say yes.

301>It's just not the kind of thing you ask a guy you just met.

302>I really think we should examine the chain of causality here.

303>-must we? -event a...

304>A beautiful woman stands naked in our shower.

305>Event b... we drive halfway across town to retrieve a television set

306>From the aforementioned woman's ex-boyfriend.

307>Query... on what plane of existence

308>Is there even a semi-rational link between these events?

309>She asked me to do her a favor,sheldon.

310>Yes,well,that may be the proximal cause of our journey,

311>But we both know it only exists in contradistinction

312>To the higher level distal cause.

313>-which is? -you think with your penis.

314>That's a biological impossibility. and you didn't have to come.

315>Right,I could have stayed behind and watch wolowitz try to hit on penny

316>In russian,arabic and farsi.

317>Why can't she get her own tv?

318>Come on,you know how it is with breakups.

319>No,I don't... and neither do you.

320>I broke up with joyce kim.

321>You did not break up with joyce kim. she defected to north korea.

322>To mend her broken heart.

323>This situation is much less complicated.

324>There's some kind of dispute between penny and her ex-boyfriend

325>As to who gets custody of the tv.

326>She just wanted to avoid having a scene with him.

327>-so we get to have a scene with him? -no,there's not going to be a scene.

328>There's two of us and one of him.

329>Leonard,the two of us can't even carry a tv.

330>So,you guys work with leonard and sheldon at the university?

331>I'm sorry,do you speak english?

332>He speaks english. he just can't speak to women.

333>Really? why?

334>He's kind of a nerd.

335>Juice box?

336>I'll do the talking.

337>-yeah? -hi,I'm leonard,this is sheldon.

338>-hello. -what did I just--

339>-we're here to pick up penny's tv. -get lost.

340>Okay,thanks for you time.

341>We're not going to give up just like that.

342>Leonard,the tv's in the building.

343>We've been denied access to the building,ergo,we are done.

344>Excuse me. if I were to give up on the first little hitch,

345>I never would have identified the fingerprints of string theory

346>In the aftermath of the big bang.

347>My apologies. what's your plan?

348>It's just a privilege to watch your mind at work.

349>Come on,we have a combined iq of 360.

350>We should be able to figure out how to get into a stupid building.

351>What do you think their combined iq is?

352>Just grab the door!

353>This is it.

354>I'll do the talking.

355>Good thinking. I'll just be the muscle.

356>Yeah?

357>I'm leonard,this is sheldon.

358>From the intercom.

359>How the hell did you get in the building?

360>We're scientists.

361>Tell him about our iq.

362>-leonard... -what?

363>-my mom bought me those pants. -i'm sorry.

364>You're going to have to call her.

365>Sheldon,I am so sorry I dragged you through this.

366>It's okay. it wasn't my first pantsing and it won't be my last.

367>And you were right about my motives.

368>I was hoping to establish a relationship with penny

369>That might have someday led to sex.

370>Well,you got me out of my pants.

371>Anyway,I've learned my lesson.

372>She's out of my league,I'm done with her.

373>Got my work,one day I'll win the nobel prize

374>And then I'll die alone.

375>Don't think like that. you're not going to die alone.

376>Thank you,sheldon. you're a good friend.

377>And you're certainly not going to win a nobel prize.

378>This is one of my favorite places to kick back after a quest.

379>They have a great house ale.

380>Cool tiger.

381>Yeah,I've had him since level ten.

382>His name is buttons.

383>Anyway,if you had your own game character

384>We could hang out,maybe go on a quest.

385>That sounds interesting.

386>You'll think about it?

387>I don't think I'll be able to stop thinking about it.

388>Smooth.

389>We're home.

390>My god,what happened?

391>Well,your ex-boyfriend sends his regards

392>And I think the rest is fairly self-explanatory.

393>I'm so sorry. I really thought if you guys went instead of me

394>He wouldn't be such an ass.

395>No,it was a valid hypothesis.

396>That was a valid...? what is happening to you?

397>Really,thank you so much for going and trying,you're just...

398>You're so terrific. really.

399>Why don't you put some clothes on,

400>I'll get my purse,and dinner is on me,okay?

401>-really? great. -thank you.

402>You're not done with her,are you?

403>Are babies will be smart and beautiful.

404>Not to mention imaginary.

405>-is thai food okay with you,penny? -sure.

406>We can't have thai food,

407>-we had indian for lunch. -so?

408>-they're both curry-based cuisines. -so?

409>It would be gastronomically redundant.

410>I can see we're going to have to spell out everything for this girl.

411>Any ideas,raj?

412>Turn left on lake street and head up to colorado.

413>I know a wonderful little sushi bar that has karaoke.

414>That sounds like fun.

415>baby don't get hook up on me

416>baby don't get hook up on me

417>I don't know what your odds are in the world as a whole,

418>But as far as the population of this car goes,

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天才也性感  第1季  第1集

1>如果一个光子打向有两个狭缝的平面

2>如果有一个狭缝可以观测到  

3>那它没有同时通过两个狭缝

4>如果观测不到  那它会通过

5>但如果它是在离开平面后  

6>在击中目标物之前被观测到

7>那它不会同时通过两个狭缝

8>没错  你想说什么

9>没什么  我只是觉得这个主意放在T恤上不错

10>-您好  -稍等

11>横1是"爱琴海"

12>竖8是"纳巴科夫"(1899-1977  俄裔美国小说家)

13>横26"MCM"

14>竖14是...你手挡住了...

15>是"门"(生物分类)  所以说横十四是"太子港"(海地首都)

16>你看  "Papa Doc"(海地总统绰号)提示了  所以是"太子港"

17>在海地

18>-需要帮忙吗  -是的

19>这里是高智商精子库吗

20>如果这还要问的话  那你可能不该来这

21>我看就是这儿了

22>-把表格填了  -谢谢

23>-马上就好  -不急

24>我正好把填字游戏做完

25>等等

26>莱纳德  我觉得我做不到

27>开什么玩笑  你都是"半职业选手"了

28>不是的  我们这是在犯基因欺诈罪

29>我们的精子并不能保证

30>将来就能生出高智商的后代

31>你想想  我姐姐和我的DNA结构相同

32>可她只是快餐店的女服务生

33>谢尔顿  当初是你要来的

34>这点补贴能让我们

35>在寓所里拥有分式T-1带宽

36>我知道  我的确渴望更快的下载速度

37>但那些可怜的女人们

38>会把希望寄托在我精子上的

39>如果她最后发现那小不点连曲线下面积

40>该用积分还是微分算都不知道  她会怎么想

41>-我肯定她还是会爱他的  -我不会

42>你现在想怎么样

43>我想走了

44>该怎么跟她说呢

45>我不知道...我以前从来没在捐献精子时中途走人过

46>我们就直接走吧

47>-再见  -再见  很高兴见到你

48>你还在为那个精子库的事生气吗

49>没有

50>你想不想听有关楼梯的有趣事情

51>不太想

52>如果有一格阶梯的高度存在哪怕两毫米的微小差距

53>-大多数人会被绊倒  -跟我无关

54>两毫...那不太可能吧

55>不  是真的  我12岁时做过一系列试验

56>我爸爸还摔断了锁骨

57>你就是因为这个被他们送去寄宿学校的?

58>不是  是因为我那些关于激光的试验

59>这是新邻居?

60>很明显

61>比起上一个的水准真是有显著提高

62>那个体重200磅有皮肤问题的异装癖者?

63>那是  没错

64>-你好  -你好

65>我们不想打搅你  我们就住你对面

66>你们真好啊

67>我们不是住在一起  我是说...

68>我们是住在一起

69>不过是在分开的  异性恋的卧室里

70>好的

71>看来你们就是我的新邻居了  我叫佩妮

72>-我是莱纳德  他是谢尔顿  -你好

73>那么...

74>欢迎成为我们的邻居

75>谢谢你  我们可以什么时候喝喝咖啡

76>很好啊

77>-那...再见  -再见

78>我们要不要请她来吃午饭?

79>不  我们要开始看太空堡垒卡拉狄加第二季

80>第二季的DVD我们已经看过了

81>但评论音轨还没看

82>我觉得我们应该做个好邻居

83>请她作客  让她觉得亲切

84>我们从没请过那个叫路易还是叫路易斯的过来

85>那是我们的不对

86>我们得扩大下我们的朋友圈子

87>我的朋友圈子已经很大了

88>我的空间上有212个好友

89>不错  可他们你一个也没见过

90>这正是其美妙之处

91>我要请她过来

92>我们可以好好吃一顿  然后...聊天

93>聊天?  我们平时不聊天  至少下了网不聊

94>这没什么难的

95>你只要听着她讲些什么

96>然后你适当地回应她一些

97>那最后要干什么?

98>你好...又来了

99>你好

100>那个...

101>我们带了印度菜回来

102>然后...

103>我知道搬家可能会很累

104>并且我发现当我身心俱疲时

105>美食和伙伴能让我感觉很舒坦

106>还有  咖喱本身有通便功效  我想我不必再说

107>你知道  如果大肠通畅...

108>那又可以少一件操心事了

109>这方面我不在行  不过我相信如果是邀请别人吃午餐

110>你最好不要说些肠运动的事

111>你们是在邀请我过去吃饭?

112>是的

113>你们真好  我很乐意

114>太好了

115>你们平时都玩些什么

116>今天我们尝试过靠自慰来挣钱

117>好了  就当在自己家一样

118>谢谢

119>不用谢

120>这些东西看上去真深奥啊

121>-莱纳德  这是你写的?  -不  这是我的

122>不错  只是一些量子力学而已

123>边上还随便写了一点点弦理论

124>那部分  是我开的玩笑

125>讽刺下波恩-奥本海默近似

126>这么说  你就像是"美丽心灵"里那种天才一样

127>是吧

128>-真让人赞叹  -我也有块板

129>如果你喜欢板  这块是我的

130>上帝啊

131>如果你说"上帝啊"是想

132>再一次强调说你能在任何一个麻省理工的

133>男生寝室墙上发现那些涂鸦  那一点没错

134>-什么?  -得了吧

135>谁没看到那微分上面写着"我打住了  心碎了  算不下去了"

136>至少我不会为了解决个数学问题

137>去发明个什么26维出来

138>我没有创造发明  他们本来就有

139>-哪个宇宙有?  -所有的都有...这就是我说的关键

140>你们介意我先开吃吗

141>佩妮...

142>这是我的座位

143>那  你坐我旁边

144>不...我坐那里的

145>有什么区别

146>-什么区别?  -开始了

147>在冬天  这个位子离暖气比较近所以比较暖和

148>但也不至于太近以至于引起出汗

149>在夏天  通过窗子吹进来的风直接在这里交叉

150>就是这边和那边的窗户

151>看电视正好有个角度

152>不会太正  从而影响跟别人说话

153>也不会太斜  从而造成脖子酸疼

154>我还能继续  不过我觉得你已经明白我的意思了

155>你想让我移开吗

156>你就随便坐一下吧

157>好的

158>谢尔顿  坐下!

159>这样很好啊

160>不太有人来我们这里作客的

161>不是吧  库萨帕里和沃尔维茨就经常过来

162>-是  我知道  但...  -星期二晚上

163>我们还玩"克林贡拼字游戏"玩到凌晨一点(克林贡是外星人)

164>是  我记得

165>-不要说我们没有伙伴  -对不起

166>-这是社交上很消极的暗示  -我说对不起了

167>"克林贡拼字游戏"?

168>是的  就是普通的拼字游戏  只不过...

169>是用克林贡语言

170>关于我们已经说得够多了  说说你吧

171>我?  好吧

172>我是射手座的

173>就这一点你们很可能就了解得比我想说的多得多了

174>没错  我们可以了解到你有群众性文化妄想

175>就是指你出生时

176>相对于任意确定星座的太阳的视位置

177>可能会决定你的性格

178>有什么来着?

179>我认为谢尔顿是想说

180>我们可能不会第一个猜你是"射手座"的

181>是  很多人会以为我是水相星座的

182>还有什么  让我想想

183>我是素食者  但我吃鱼

184>偶尔吃牛排  牛排真赞!

185>真有趣

186>莱纳德吃玉米会不消化

187>你有什么工作吗

188>有  我是家乳酪蛋糕店的服务生

189>我很喜欢乳酪蛋糕

190>你不是不能吃乳糖嘛

191>我是不吃...我只是觉得那东西不错

192>还有  我正在写一个剧本

193>讲一个多愁善感的女生从内布拉斯加州的林肯来到了洛杉矶

194>她本想当名演员  最终却在乳酪蛋糕店当了服务生

195>看来这是根据你的经历写的

196>不  我是来自奥马哈

197>如果真拍成了电影  我会去看的

198>我就说  是不错吧?

199>让我想想  还有什么...

200>大概就这些了

201>这就是佩妮的故事了

202>真不错

203>是不错

204>直到我爱上了那混蛋!

205>怎么回事?

206>上帝  你知道吗  我和他同居了4年

207>整整4年...都跟高中生涯一样长了

208>你花了4年才读完高中?

209>真...不敢相信我竟然那么信任他

210>我该说些什么吗?  我感觉我该说些什么

211>你?  算了  你只会越帮越忙

212>你们想知道最悲哀的是什么吗

213>即使我已经恨透了他的谎言  他的不忠

214>我还是爱他

215>我是不是疯了?

216>是疯了

217>不  不是的  这只是...

218>只是一种悖论

219>自然界中到处都存在着悖论  比如说光

220>按照惠更斯的理论  光是一种波

221>双缝实验证明了这一观点

222>不过后来有了爱因斯坦

223>他发现光原来也具有粒子性

224>我至少没越帮倒忙

225>我真的很抱歉  我真是一团糟

226>最糟的是  我搬家都搬得恶心死了

227>没想到该死的淋浴器还不能用了

228>我们的可以用啊

229>真的?  如果我在这里洗你们会不会介意?

230>-会  -不会

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231>-不会  -不会

232>就在那边

233>谢谢

234>你们真是太好了

235>这番进步有意思啊

236>怎么?

237>上次有个女人在我们这里轻解罗裳  

238>距离现在已经很久了

239>不见得啊  记得感恩节

240>我那老年痴呆的祖母上演的那段?

241>明白了  距离上次有女人

242>在我们这里轻解罗裳  并且看了之后

243>我们不想把眼睛给挖出来的  已经很久了

244>其实最糟的是看她切那火鸡

245>你现在究竟是要干些什么呢

246>你说什么?

247>那女人不会跟你上床的

248>我没有想要跟她上床

249>那就好  这样你就不会失望了

250>你凭什么认为她不会和我上床了

251>我是男的  她是女的

252>没错  但不是同一物种

253>我才不跟你讨论什么假设

254>我只想当个好邻居

255>是啊

256>那也不是说如果有机会可以发展肉体关系

257>我会袖手旁观

258>大致是这样

259>当她发现你的卢克•天行者(星球大战人物)无泪洗发水

260>你说这种可能性是会变大了呢还是变小了

261>那是达斯•维德(另一星战人物)牌洗发水

262>卢克•天行者是护发素

263>-先看这个  -太强了  难以置信

264>看什么?

265>1974年  史蒂芬霍金在麻省理工的演讲

266>现在不是时候

267>那时他还不是这样毛骨悚然的电脑音

268>-不错  可你们现在必须得走  -为什么

269>现在不是时候

270>莱纳德有女士来访

271>是的  我明白了...你祖母又回城来了?

272>不是  她不是什么女士  她是新来的邻居

273>等等  这里真的有位女士?

274>你赶我们走是为了想要和她交媾?

275>我没有想要和她交媾

276>那就是说别人现在可以和她交媾?

277>我们可不可以不要说"交媾"这个词了

278>更精确的说法应该是"体外射精"

279>是不是应该有个旋关把水从浴缸那里弄到淋浴器上

280>不好意思  大家好

281>很高兴认识您  女士

282>我是霍华德•沃尔维茨  加州工学院应用物理系学生

283>我的一些研究成果你可能已经很熟悉了

284>它正在围绕着木星的最大卫星轨道运行

285>拍摄高分辨率的数码照片

286>我是佩妮  我在乳酪蛋糕店工作

287>我带你去弄那旋关吧

{\fn方正综艺简体}{\fs14}{\b0}{\c&HFFFFFF&}{\3c&H2F2F2F&}{\4c&H000000&}"Bonne douche"\NBonne douche.

288>你说什么?

289>是法语里"洗个痛快澡"的意思

290>是一句祝词  我能用六种语言来说

291>还是留着博客上说吧  霍华德

洗个痛快澡

292>好了  没问题了  是卡住了  不好意思

293>-好的  谢谢  -不用谢

294>你只要站在...  好吧  我...

295>-等等  莱纳德  -洗头的那些东西都是谢尔顿的

296>我能让你帮个忙吗

297>帮个忙?

298>当然  你可以让我帮你忙  我可以帮你个忙

299>你如果不愿意也没关系

300>我应该会愿意的

301>一般你刚认识某个人  不会请求一件这样的事

302>我真的觉得我们该好好想想这里面的因果关系了

303>-有必要吗  -事件一

304>我们那淋浴器下站着个裸体美女

305>事件二  我们开车穿过半个城市到上述那位女性的

306>前男友住处取回一台电视机

307>提问  在哪个层面上

308>这两个事件哪怕是有半点合理的联系

309>她请求我帮她个忙  谢尔顿

310>是啊  这可能是我们这趟旅途最近似的原因了

311>但其只存在于更高层次原因的对比之下

312>这点我们都清楚

313>-是什么  -你在用下半身在思考

314>从生理上说这是不可能的  还有  你可以不用跟来啊

315>不错  我可以留在那儿看着沃尔维茨勾引佩妮

316>用俄语  阿拉伯语  波斯语

317>为什么她自己不去取回电视机

318>得了  你知道分手是怎么回事

319>我不知道...  你也不知道

320>我以前跟乔伊斯•金分手过

321>你没有和乔伊斯•金分手  是她投奔回朝鲜了

322>去缝补她破碎的心啊

323>现在这情况远没那么复杂

324>就谁该得到这台电视的拥有权

325>佩妮和她前男友有过争吵

326>她只是不想和他再大吵大闹

327>-所以我们去和他大吵大闹  -不  我们不用和他去吵的

328>我们两个人  他才一个

329>莱纳德  我们两个甚至搬不动一台电视

330>这么说  你们和莱纳德还有谢尔顿一起在大学里共事?

331>抱歉  你会说英语吗

332>他会说英语  他只是不会同女人说话

333>真的?  为什么?

334>他是个怪才吧

335>喝果汁?

336>我来说话

337>-谁?  -你好  我是莱纳德  这是谢尔顿

338>-你好  -我刚说...

339>-我们是来拿佩妮的电视机的  -你们走吧

340>好的  抱歉打扰了

341>我们不能就这样放弃了

342>莱纳德  电视机在楼上

343>我们已经被阻止进入大楼了  因此  我们没戏了

344>我很抱歉  如果我当初遇到点小麻烦就放弃的话

345>我永远也不会在宇宙大爆炸之后

346>成功验证弦理论了

347>我道歉  你准备怎么做?

348>能目睹你动脑 实在很荣幸

349>不会吧  我们的智商加起来有360呢

350>我们应该有办法想出如何进那该死的楼

351>你认为她们的智商加起来有多少?

352>快把门抵住

353>就这里了

354>我来说话

355>想得不错  我来当打手

356>什么事

357>我是莱纳德  这是谢尔顿

358>刚对讲机里的

359>你们到底是怎么进来的?

360>我们是科学家

361>告诉他我们的智商

362>-莱纳德  -怎么?

363>-那裤子是我妈买给我的  -对不起

364>你得打电话跟她说一下

365>谢尔顿  拖你下水了  真的很抱歉

366>没关系  这不是我的第一条裤子  也不会是最后一条

367>关于我的动机你说得没错

368>我是指望和佩妮能建立关系

369>或许有一天可以和她上床

370>你倒是脱下了我的裤子

371>好了  反正我买到教训了

372>她和我不是一类人  我跟她玩完了

373>我有工作要干  有一天我会赢得诺贝尔奖

374>然后孤单地死去

375>不要这么想  你不会孤单地死去的

376>谢谢  谢尔顿  你真是好朋友

377>而且你肯定不会拿诺贝尔奖的

378>这是我搜寻猎物后最喜欢的交付地之一

379>这里的麦酒太棒了

380>好酷的老虎

381>是的  我从第十级开始就有了

382>他叫扣扣

383>如果你有自己的游戏人物

384>也许我们可以一起  出去搜寻猎物  

385>听上去很有意思

386>你会考虑一下?

387>我没办法不去想它

388>很成功啊

389>我们回来了

390>上帝啊  发生什么事了

391>你前男友要我们代他问好

392>其他我想已经可以一目了然了

393>真对不起  我真的以为如果你们替我过去

394>他不会这么混蛋的

395>不  你这样假设是有道理的

396>有道理的?  你怎么回事?

397>真的  你们这么努力  这么帮忙  真是太谢谢了

398>你们真的太好了  真的

399>你们去把衣服穿好

400>我去拿我的包  晚饭我请  好吗?

401>-真的?  好啊  -谢谢

402>你跟她还没玩完  是吗?

403>我们的孩子会既聪明又美丽

404>想象力更是不言而喻

405>-佩妮  你觉得泰国菜如何  -可以啊

406>我们不能去吃泰国菜

407>-中午我们吃了印度菜  -又怎样呢

408>-他们都是用咖喱烹饪的  -又怎样呢

409>从烹饪学角度来说  这是过剩的

410>我估计以后无论什么我们都需要跟这个女孩解释一下

411>你觉得呢  拉杰?

412>到林克街左转  直接去科罗拉多

413>我知道一个寿司吧  那里还有卡拉OK

414>听上去挺有意思

415>宝贝  别被我迷住了

416>宝贝  别被我迷住了

417>我不知道在整个世界范围内你的成功概率有多少

418>不过就这辆车子里的人来说  你还是很有希望的

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